Ambient and I have begun training for the zombie apocalypse.
Why? Because it's going to fucking happen, that's why.
For those of you that don't know, Ambient is a Biology major, and one day, as a lark, I queried her about whether or the whole zombie apocalypse could actually happen. What she said startled me:
"I doubt the whole living dead aspect of things will happen. Nothing on this planet will reanimate dead tissue. It's not biologically possible. However, the whole 'Rage Zombie' thing? I buy that. We already have rabies, I could totally see this happening." - Ambient Magic
Food for thought. As I accept that Ambient is generally smarter than I am, I began devouring two so-called "humor" books: The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks and more recently The Zombie Combat Guide by Roger Ma.
After digesting these two books, Ambient and I decided to become serious about preparing for the inevitable wave of infected fuckers trying to eat us. Today, we began getting our sorely-out-of-shape bodies into a regimen of learning to whip zombie ass.
We have even gone so far as purchasing our first (and likely not last) zombie tools of destruction; Ambient selected a garden pick and I grabbed a sledgehammer. I selected the sledge for one reason: I do not know how to maintain an edged weapon. I cannot sharpen or clean a blade to save my life, and so I figured the sledge was a good choice. I didn't have to worry about missing with the edge of a blade, because, odds are if you get hit with any part of a sledge, it's going to fucking suck to be you. Plus, it's utilitarian. I can knock down a door with a sledge. I can break rocks for fortification/weapon use with a sledge. I can keep zombies at a safe distance with a sledge, thanks to its long handle...then I actually tried hefting the thing.
I cannot speak for my wife anymore, but I am giving strong consideration to returning the sledge. It is a clumsy-ass weapon, and I am having trouble getting the feel of it right. A hammer's weight is, obviously, all in the head. I cannot consistently hit a target with the sledge, much less a moving zombie head.
So, once I find the receipt or get more money, I'm going back for a wrecking bar. I briefly considered the wrecking bar because it had a good feel to it. The wrecking bar has no grips however, but the Combat Guide suggests wrapping the bar in leather strips and adding a wrist loop so you don't drop it. Plus, the wrecking bar is smaller (diminishing the reach advantage, but making it easier to use), and it retains the utilitarian use I saw in the sledge, with maybe a little more versatility. For example, I won't have to knock down a door, I can just pry it open.
Anyway, I just wanted to post this because if a flabby gamer like myself can start working out because he's afraid of a zombie eating his eyeballs and can get serious about getting in shape...maybe you all can too.
Siege's Zombie Pro-Tip:
Always have three weapons in mind when designing your Zombie Survival Kit. One) A long arm like a semi-auto or bolt-action rifle or a shotgun, plus ammo. Two) A sidearm, like a 9mm or .45 caliber pistol, plus ammo. Three) A good solid melee weapon because melee weapons don't require ammo.
